Tag Archive: Random


6 months

Filed Under: Grief, Random by skrdflute — Leave a comment
December 7, 2012

I am a week late, but I needed to be in a better position emotionally before I was able to write this.

December 1, 2012 was a bittersweet day for me. It was my 28th birthday. It was a year to the day that we found out that we were pregnant and were so excited to welcome our first child. It was 6 months after we gave birth to our son and said goodbye. It was the first day of the christmas holidays without our son. And it was a day where we hoped we would have Pixel’s sibling in our arms in 6 months.

I have been really good as the months pass since we can’t go back and the only thing to do is move forward, but this month just wasn’t meant to be easy. I read a few blogs and a couple of them were expecting a child due around the same time I was. They all had their children, so when I read the blogs, I see what my son could be doing around this time. Pixel would be almost 4 months old now. It is hard to think that instead of having a 4 month old baby, I am starting my 4th month of pregnancy.

Other Baby Loss Moms talk about how it is bittersweet since their rainbow baby wouldn’t be here without the loss of their first baby, and I feel that. If we wouldn’t have lost Pixel, we weren’t planning on trying again for a sibling until September 2013. This baby is a year earlier than expected. Not that this baby is loved any less. If anything, we are loving and enjoying every day we have because we don’t know if Sprout will be taken from us at any point. We have gotten as much of an all clear that a doctor can give us at this point, but we know better now. There is no safe period. It sucks knowing that. I wish we had the innocence we lost in May.

When we found out that we were pregnant with Pixel, we were excited because that meant we would have a chance to give our child a fully biological sibling. We are giving him a fully biological sibling, but we will not be able to give Sprout that. Our donor retired in June 2011, so we will have to choose a new donor for any siblings. We are a little sad about that, but it was something we knew we would have to deal with at some point while using donor sperm.

We are now half way through the first year and while it does get easier, there are still days where I am taken right back to the doctors room. I have anxiety attacks whenever we go to see or hear the heartbeat. I get so anxious, I try not to cry and break down before they even put the gel on my tummy. Wednesday was my OB appointment and they put me in the same room I was in when the OB couldn’t find Pixel’s heartbeat. I was glad that they had taken my blood pressure already since I was sure it was through the roof at that time. It is hard having this much anxiety during a pregnancy, but I am glad that it usually only lasts about 24 hours leading up to the appointment. I am completely looking forward to Sprout bruising me from the inside because then, hopefully, my anxiety level will go down.

So 6 more months of anxiety with this pregnancy. 6 more months until we finish our first year without our son. 6 more months – 25 more weeks – 175 days. Time cannot go fast enough. I’m glad we at least have quite a bit on our plate so that it will feel like time is moving faster. June just seems so far away.

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Moving

Filed Under: Updates by skrdflute — Leave a comment
November 28, 2012

So for the few of you who aren’t on facebook, we are moving early next year!

Darrell is being allowed to work remotely and will be attending the PMP program at UW. We are excited since this means we get to move to Seattle. It is a big change from Texas, but we will handle it and we are really excited.

We will be able to visit family members that right now, we only see every few years. We will be close enough to see them a few times a year instead. We don’t know how long we will be in Seattle, but it is our first big step to moving back to where we want to be.

Our house will be going up on the market in January so that we can sell it before we move. We are hoping to have it sold and move before the end of March so I will still be in my second trimester and it will be easier to find a doctor to take me. We are pretty sure it will sell in that amount of time since houses in our neighborhood are on the market for an average of 60 days. (A house that is exactly like ours sold in 75 days just a few months ago, so we definitely have our fingers crossed.) We just have to fix up the little things we have put off like the carpet in the closet where Poleeko dug to get out, the baseboards in the laundry room that we forgot to have the builder come back and fix, and we have to level the backyard since we just dumped the dirt from the front yard project into it. It is only a couple of fix-ups but with the holidays, we wanted to give ourselves a full month to prep and then market it. We also have to pack up a chunk of the house so it doesn’t look so cluttered. That should be fun. 🙂

So that is our other big news right now. We are completely jazzed because that means we will be able to go visit friends and family with more reasonable timeframes. Darrell is ready to just pack and go, so as soon as our house is closed on, we are outta here!! 🙂

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4 months

Filed Under: Random by skrdflute — Leave a comment
September 30, 2012

Today marks 4 months since we said good-bye to Pixel. I am still sad at moments, but I don’t expect the sadness to ever completely fade. It will get dimmer and dimmer, but never fade.

We have done a few things this month that have made me miss him more.

We went to the West Texas Fair and Rodeo with a bunch of friends. We always go to the petting zoo and feed the animals. It is one of the few things we do at the fair. I couldn’t handle going inside as all I could think about was that we should have had our one month old baby with us. I had looked forward to taking Pixel to the fair and seeing the animals. It was probably the first outing that I had thought about once we found out we were pregnant. I had to walk off and have a small cry for what should have been.

The month of September usually brings about the beginning of fall here. We mainly go by the nicer weather and thunderstorms. We had two big rainstorms this month. One was earlier in the month and I was excited for it because we definitely needed it. We had our biggest rainstorm this year these last couple of days. We actually got over 7″ of rain between Thursday night and Saturday afternoon. The whole town was fairly flooded and stayed that way for awhile.

The beginning of the storm took me back. We found out we lost Pixel on a Wednesday, but the doctor thinks he actually passed on that previous Monday which was memorial day. Memorial Day we had a huge storm even though it only lasted for about 15 minutes. After that there was a double rainbow. This storm reminded me of that day. The day where I should have been worried about not feeling Pixel move a lot, but instead, I was worried about the power going out while dinner was in the oven and about finishing up the stenciling in Pixels room.

I still love rainstorms and I love the fresh smell they bring with them. Now, I feel the need to relax and not worry about the little things. I sat around most of the rainstorm and just watched the downpour while everything flooded. I admired the job we did on our front porch area and how it isn’t flooding and splashing mud all over the walkway any more. I watched our cats wander outside during the times of light sprinkles to examine the puddles and taste the grass. I watched the horses across the way run around after they were let out during the periods of drizzle. I just relaxed and watched the world open up after a rainstorm.

I know that I have a lot of things coming up where we should be celebrating with our son, but instead, we will be living for him. The holidays are going to be hard, but I have to make it through them to get to the other side and hopefully be able hold Pixel’s sibling in my arms.

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3dpiui

Filed Under: Infertility, Travels by skrdflute — Leave a comment
September 14, 2012

Today is 3 days past. We still have 11 more to go.

The massive cramping that I got right after the IUI has gone away. It lasted for about 36 hours where all I wanted to do was lay around and watch movies. (which I did :P)

The weather outside has dropped from mid to upper 90’s to low 70’s and it has been raining for the last two days, so that has also fueled my desire to just lay around and watch movies. I love the rain and am glad that we are finally starting to get our fall. We are still a few inches shy of normal for the year, but every little bit helps.

Due to this rapid temperature drop, I feel sick. This is not helping my mood any. I am trying not to get sick, so I have started to take the vitamins the midwife recommended during the pregnancy in May when I got sick.

And to top all of this off, something happened to my right eyelid. I don’t know if I got bit or if I am having an allergic reaction to something. It has been a little sore since yesterday, but only when I rubbed my eyes. Today, it hurts when I blink and it is starting to swell up. I have no idea what could cause this. I am so not enjoying it right now.

Darrell has quite a few plans in place for tomorrow, so I will be on my own during much of the day. He is going to go play tennis with a friend, then he is going to hang out and play video games with another friend before we both go over to yet another friends house for a dinner party/hangout. Whew.

Next week we are prepping for a long weekend. We decided to go ahead and head down to Austin for another Bat Cruise. We decided this time to head down on Friday and hang out in Austin for the whole weekend instead of just for 24 hours. I think it will be fun. It definitely will give me something to do to keep my mind off this countdown temporarily.

That’s about it going on around here.

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Trader Joes

Filed Under: Random by skrdflute — Leave a comment
September 5, 2012

When Darrell and I moved out here, some of the few things we missed were Costco and Trader Joes.

Costco is where we did a lot of our bulk buying and in Humboldt it was only a half hour drive in traffic. Not so bad and we always made sure to eat at the food court (Chicken Bakes baby!!!). So we were a little bummed that the closest Costco was in San Angelo which is almost a two hour drive from Abilene. Unfortunately, to far to be worth it to keep our membership up, so we have made do without for the most part. Sometimes we get a family member to buy something and send it our way, but that has only happened once.

The big one for us was Trader Joes. We love TJ’s salsa and were really bummed when we realized that the closest TJ’s was 8 hours away. You read that right. The closest one was in Albuquerque, NM. We weren’t exactly willing to drive 8 hours just for salsa.

So we have been making sure that whenever we are planning a trip by car, we buy some cases and stock up. When we moved out here, we had bought one case. It took us a year to go through that case since we couldn’t find the chips that we absolutely loved to eat with them (Red Hot Blues). By the time the first year was up, my parents were going to be driving out our way with me and the cats, so we went ahead and bought two cases since we weren’t sure when we were going to be in a vehicle driving back. That year also happened to be the year when Natural Grocers went in in Abilene. Guess what chips they sold… Red Hot Blues. So now that we have found the chips, we were going through more salsa.

As we were starting to get low and beginning to ration our salsa while we tried to figure out if it was worth it to have someone ship us a case of Salsa, Darrell was invited to take a class in Phoenix. Yes!!! We drove to Phoenix and were able to restock our supply of Salsa. We overbought this time with 3 cases returning with us.

So now, it is a year after our purchase in Phoenix. We aren’t low on Salsa since with the pregnancy, every little spice became to much for me, so I haven’t been eating as many chips and salsa as I was last year. So we still have a full unopened case.

But, Darrell was just informed he was heading to another class in October in Albuquerque. We are excited because we will be able to get some of the other Trader Joes staples that we get as treats when we are anywhere near a TJ’s.

So, I went online to see exactly where TJ’s was in respect to the Hotel we will be staying at for the class, and low and behold…..

TRADER JOES OPENED A STORE IN FORT WORTH IN JUNE!!!!

That’s right, there is now a TJ’s in Fort Worth. I was curious as to where exactly, so I looked it up. TJ’s is only a 7 minute drive from the Fertility Clinic. How awesome is that? I have to drive the 150 miles to get to the clinic anyways, now I can stop at TJ’s and pick up some stuff. We also drive through the Fort Worth area fairly frequently even when we aren’t cycling, so it is perfect!!

I’m not saying we will go whenever we need groceries, but with it just in Fort Worth, we can do a little more stocking up and will be able to buy perishables as well.

We are excited!! (Can’t you tell by this run on post? :P)

So, tomorrow morning, I head to Fort Worth for a follicle scan. After the appointment, I might go ahead and stop and pick up some goodies that we haven’t had since our trip to California in June.

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