Tag Archive: Capture your grief


CYG – Day 4

Today’s prompt is “Your Most Treasured Item.”

I don’t have a lot of items of Pixel. Mainly I have pictures and the memorial box that the Hospital gave me. I treasure the pictures and I look at them on a regular basis. It helps me grieve the dreams I had for him.

But I will say my most treasured item is the memorial box that the Hospital gave me.

Inside the box are his footprints, the clothes he wore (bloodstains included), the wristbands for both of us, and many of the other little things that newborns typically get. Every now and then I pull it out just so that I can see them and remember holding him. The most treasured item in this box is the footprints in plaster. The nurses tried 3 times to get it right since the plaster was to wet. They came in and said that they couldn’t get it to work, but they would give it one more try if I wanted them to. I did. So they tried it again and it was the best one of all of them. Someday, I want to make a reverse impression of it (where the feet are poking out of the surface instead of pressed into) and mold it so that I can paint the feet making them more visible. (Anyone have any ideas on how, let me know). I haven’t done it yet because I am to scared to ruin it since I know there is no way of getting another one.

The last Most treasured Item I have is of course Pixel. We still have to find an urn that we like for him, but he sits on top of our entertainment center and we say hello and good-bye to him when we leave. Sometimes I get the urge to take him outside into the sun, so I take his box outside and sit with him on my lap and just think of the 30 weeks we had together.

CYG – Day 3

(This post catches me up. I am going to try to stay on top of them, but with us going away for a few days next week, there is no guarantee that I will. I will however, change the dates of the posts to make them line up like they are suppose to.)

Today’s prompt is “After Loss Self Portrait”

This photo was taken June 1, 2012. This is the day after I delivered Pixel. I sat in the backyard listening to nature and the wind blowing the windchimes while I thought about what we lost. Even now, I still tear up when I see the pain in my eyes. I am grateful we had an answer as to why our son died, but sad that he had to die.

This picture was taken by Darrell’s Aunt Ann at his sister’s wedding. This is 4 weeks after we lost Pixel. We have gone back into a love for each other and our friends and family knowing how much support we have. It still hurts knowing we wouldn’t be bringing home a baby like we had thought.

CYG – Day 2

The prompt for today is “Before Loss Self Portrait”

This was taken in Phoenix in October 2011. We had already had two failed cycles, but we knew we still had another one coming. We wanted children, but we were still happy to be a couple.

This one was taken at our Farmers Family Farm day. We were getting closer to the Third Trimester. We had just had an awesome appointment a few days before this picture was taken. Baby had a good heartbeat and was still measuring right on track. We were excited to begin working on the nursery and had a lot of dreams for our Pixel. We had no idea that less than 3 weeks later, everything would be shattered.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month. (It is also Breast cancer awareness month).

One of the blogs I read is doing a project called “Capture your grief.” I wasn’t sure if I would participate, but I think I will. It gives me something to focus on while I wait for appointments and news. So I am going to post the first three days to play catch up.

The idea is to document your grief and healing through 31 days of photos. Each day has a prompt for what to post. I am probably going to have 2 photos for everyday since I can never make up my mind on just one. So here goes:

Day 1 – Sunrise

This was taken on our way to Ft. Worth for our IUI procedure on November 18, 2011.

This picture was taken on May 31, 2012 when we were getting in the car to head to the Hospital for the induction.

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