Category: Random


Registries

So.. some people have asked up about where we were registered. I have made a page for them off on the right hand side of this page. We do not have a current address in there, so it would be best to wait a week or so. We do have a deposit down on a new house (yay! no longer homeless!), but we haven’t signed the paperwork. We should be going in to do that this week though since they said we should be able to move in by April 15th. But until we know our exact move-in date, we don’t want to give out the address just in case something happens.

Hopefully we will have everything back up to normal within a few weeks and I will be able to put up a few photos from our move and the baby bump photos from the last few weeks. I am ready to be re-situated as I am starting to get that nesting feeling that people always talk about late in pregnancy. I have just over 8 weeks to go and we are both really looking forward to meeting Edward. We have a Birth Center appointment on Wednesday and then hopefully they will refer us to the MFM so we will get to see him sooner rather than later. 🙂

Anxiety

Today is the day we reach viability. Today is the day that if something were to happen, our baby has a slightly better chance at surviving outside the womb. Of course we want Sprout to continue to grow and thus far there isn’t anything telling us that Sprout will be joining us on the outside any time soon.

So why the anxiety?

Today also marks 5.5 weeks until we reach the gestational age of our loss of Pixel. So even though we have reached viability, we are still anxious about whether we will bring Sprout home. It is rough, but Sprout is doing whatever possible to make us feel reassured. Sprout kicks and at all appointments, as soon as the doctor turns on the doppler, you can hear the heart beating loud and clear. When I feel myself starting to get anxious, I relax somewhere and just let myself try to feel Sprout. It doesn’t usually take very long before I can feel the rolls and kicks. Sunday morning was a different story and Sprout was quiet for a good chunk of the morning, so I started to get anxious, but I know that Sprout is more active at night, so I wanted to wait to see if I could feel anything that night before I got worried. Around lunch time the movement started and it dropped the anxiety a whole bunch.

I have been sitting around and not doing much at home because I am too scared to do anything for fear of losing this baby. It is a horrible position to be in. The doctors all tell me I need to take walks and get some low impact exercising in, but I am to scared that it will harm baby. My rational mind tells me that it won’t hurt baby, but the irrational half of my brain doesn’t believe it. My body failed my first born, why should I believe it will protect my second?

We have three weeks until our next appointment with a doctor. Three weeks until we get to hear Sprout’s heartbeat again. I am slightly worried about that, but I am grateful that at that point, we will have a doctors appointment once a week until we are past the gestational age of losing Pixel. It is helpful and I am glad that my doctors are understanding of my anxiety and don’t just blow me off.

So hopefully in 6 weeks I will have less anxiety and we can fully enjoy the rest of the pregnancy. I’m not saying we don’t enjoy it now, but it is different when you are just sitting there waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Happy Birthday!

IMG_1522

This wonderful man turns 33 today! Thus far he has been in a melancholy mood, but there are a lot of things going on. Hopefully his mood will improve before he comes home from work tonight, but we shall celebrate no matter what! I took him to one of his favorite restaurants today (Bangkok Thai) and he seemed to enjoy it.

The only thing he wants for his birthday is an offer on the house. We did have another showing today, so who knows. Maybe we will get an offer during his birthday month?

Either way…. Happy Birthday Darrell!

Comments

Hey everyone!

Since Darrell and I had the issue with the website at the beginning of the month, we have gotten a few comments that were questionable to us, so they were marked as spam. If you have commented and don’t see your comment, let me know so that I won’t mark you as spam. 🙂

Most of the comments really did look like spam. The only one was questionable was this one:

“There is no definite estimate of exactly how accurate ultrasound is at detecting disabilities, and there are both false negatives and false positives. As far as detecting fetal abnormalities goes, several points have to be bornt in mind :a) Not every problem can be diagnosed with ultrasound — conditions which do not manifest as a structural or gross functional abnormality (such as a very abnormal heart beat or mental retardation) may be missed.b) Not every problem which can be detected will be diagnosed. For example, in many ultrasound examinations the baby’s fingers and toes are not counted, even though it is possible to do so should it be necessary.c) The ability to detect abnormality in the fetus at an ultrasound exam depends on a number of factors, such as the size and position of the fetus, the amount of amniotic fluid around the fetus, the body habitus of the mother (whether she is fat or slim), the type of equipment used, and, most importantly, the skill and experience of the operator.d) Some problems (such as anencephaly) are more readily diagnosed than others (such as cleft palate).The accuracy of ultrasound for dating a pregnancy depends on at what point during the pregnancy the ultrasound is taken. Pregnancy dating is most accurate during the first eighteen weeks of pregnancy. Measurement of the sac at five to seven weeks is not accurate. Measuring the crown-rump length gives an accuracy of plus or minus three days at seven weeks; this test can be used from the seventh to the fourteenth week. Between fourteen and twenty-six weeks, measurements of the biparietal diameter, the femur length and abdominal circumference are generally used. The accuracy is plus or minus seven to ten days. The accuracy further declines with advancing gestation age.”

Now I am pretty sure it is either Spam or someone who just hasn’t read the blog, but I feel like I need to answer these questions/statements.

#1 – We are well aware that there is no estimate at exactly how accurate an ultrasound is at detecting disabilities. It really depends upon the ultrasound and how good the technician is. Our first wasn’t diagnosed with his fatal birth defect at any of his ultrasounds, so we know all about false negatives. It is because of the chance of false positives that we didn’t do any of the other testing that we were asked about during our first pregnancy. So this pregnancy, we do keep in mind that there are chances for false positives/negatives, but we are seeing a higher risk doctor with a better ultrasound machine and we are seeing him more often to make sure that everything still LOOKS like it is going normally.

a) At this point in our pregnancy, we aren’t to concerned with the other abnormalities as if they are found, most of them are found after birth and many of them can be treated fairly successfully.

b) Many normal ultrasound examinations don’t count fingers and toes, but because of our history (Amniotic Band Syndrome), our MFM does to make sure that there aren’t any bands constricting baby. This is really important because Amniotic Bands are really hard to see on ultrasounds unless they are constricting baby, so it is something the doctor is aware of and is looking for.

c) We are aware of this as per our history where we had a doctor with an older ultrasound machine and a very picky child with our first, so no abnormalities were seen even though his brain was growing outside of his skull. That is why this pregnancy we are seeing a MFM every 4 weeks for an ultrasound to make sure that everything is going like it should be. If anything seems to change between visits, the MFM has assured us that he will up our visits to keep up with the progress of baby.

d) We know that it doesn’t take much time before baby does a lot of changes. We are being very closely monitored and they are measuring things every 4 weeks. By 22 weeks, we will have had 5 ultrasounds and each ultrasound measures baby a little different. We aren’t concerned with pregnancy dating because we have done infertility treatments, so we know EXACTLY when we conceived. Our only concern/reason for the ultrasounds is to make sure that baby does not have a fatal birth defect. We are just hoping to have a living, breathing baby who we will get to raise by the end. Granted, we hope for a healthy baby, and getting our multiple ultrasounds is currently the only thing we can do to make sure that baby is ok. There is no idea on why Amniotic Bands happen or what causes them and many people who have them don’t have the bands affect the baby. We are some of the “lucky” few and knowing that we did everything we can to take care of our children is what we want. These ultrasounds are our way of taking care of this child.

If, by chance, we end up with ABS again and it is caught early enough, we have an option to go in for fetal surgery to have the bands cut. This is a risky surgery, but we have done research on it (even knowing that very few mothers have it happen more than once) so we would be prepared if it happened again. We would probably only go in for surgery if the bands are constricting baby’s head or umbilical cord. Possibly hands and feet, but it really depends on when the bands happen and how they will affect baby as the surgery has a small chance to actually put you in preterm labor and possibly deliver baby. There are always risks associated with everything, but you have to weigh them against what would happen if you don’t take that risk.

So that is my response to the comment. I wasn’t sure if I would post it, but I feel that I needed to be open about this and to address this issue in case there are others who happen to stumble across this page and who might have these same ideas.

Another Group

Last year, just before we found out we were pregnant, we found out that two of our other friends were expecting over the summer. After we found out that we were expecting, it was nice to be able to go through the pregnancy knowing someone else who was going through it as well. Unfortunately, as nice as it was during the pregnancy, it was equally as hard after we lost Pixel. Seeing the photos of the babies and seeing them slowly grow up on facebook knowing that our son should be doing the same things, it is definitely hard. Not that I am not completely thrilled for them since I would never wish this pain on anyone, it is just hard some moments.

So when we got pregnant, I was excited because we didn’t know anyone else due around the same time as us which for me was easier because I was thinking “well.. if something happens with Sprout, we won’t have other babies around the age ours should be.” It isn’t the best way of thinking, but after having a pregnancy loss, you try to mentally prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best. (At least that’s what I do.)

So, over the last few weeks, I have heard from 3 different friends and family members that they are expecting. They are all due within a month or so of me. I am completely thrilled for them, but scared for myself. My mind immediately went back to what would happen if we lost ours again?

I absolutely hate this train of thought and it sometimes keeps me up at night. I know everything is looking good so far, but the pain is still there.

Since we are 19 weeks, if we were to lose Sprout now, it would be considered a miscarriage but I would have to deliver baby. After next Tuesday, losing Sprout would be considered a stillbirth and we would have to once again come up with funeral arrangements. I HATE knowing all of this. I want to go back to the innocent pregnancy where after you pass the first trimester you are in the clear. We know we aren’t in the clear for the pregnancy until baby is born, but we have spent this entire pregnancy just waiting. We are excited one day, then anxious the next and it is all just a wait until we pass the gestation of our loss. We still have 11 weeks until we get past that. Last year I thought the first 12 weeks were hard waiting through, and now we wait on pins and needles for the first 30 weeks.

So, now I sit here and just hope that each and every couple I know personally that is pregnant will bring home their baby. I know that 1:200 pregnancies won’t and I just don’t want anyone else I know to experience being that 1.

Plugin from the creators ofBrindes :: More at PlulzWordpress Plugins