Darrell & Sharyn

I should know better than to spend hours upon hours of my time on Google. But it seems to be what I do.

I started spending time on Google after we got our initial Infertility Diagnosis. It wasn’t a bad thing since googling was what made us ask the OB for a referral to a urologist to see what was wrong.

Urologist said it was Primary Testicular Failure. Googled that to find out that it was just a blanket diagnosis.

Spent more time on Google and had OB refer us to an RE. (Best google info ever!!!)

RE sent us to another urologist who gave us actual diagnosis – Klienfelter’s Syndrome.

Googled that to find out what we would have to watch out for (if anything) with the syndrome.

Used Google to find donor sperm.

Used Dr. Google to see what I was up for in the IUI and what to expect. Spent many hours reading about other women who went through the same thing.

Used Google to determine if beta numbers were good. Used Google to determine if a heartbeat was possible in Bit. Then I stayed away from Google. Things were looking good and we were seeing a doctor twice a month. I wasn’t worried and I had my innocence that once you passed stages you were in the clear.

*poof* – There goes my innocence.

I have used Dr. Google many times since we lost Pixel. I have googled about Encephaloceles, Amniotic Bands, How to prevent it from happening again, other mothers who went through the same thing, and lastly, when to try again after a stillbirth.

I know that I shouldn’t take what I read as whole truth. You can find something to prove what you want no matter what it is. I know that the Encephalocele and Amniotic Bands weren’t my fault, but I wanted to know if there was something I could have done differently.

Some websites just recommend taking additional Folic Acid (FA) because an Encephalocele is a Neural Tube Defect (NTD). So I went ahead and Googled some more. Turns out FA is a water soluble vitamin, so any extra is released through your urine. I also found out that when you have previously had a NTD pregnancy, then you should up your FA and if you are having twins you should up your FA to twice the dose. So I went ahead and bought some extra FA to take. I know we will be doing more fertility treatments and I know that we have a higher chance of multiples, so it can’t hurt. Especially since most NTD’s happen in the first 28 days.

According to Dr. Google, Amniotic Band Syndrome (ABS) is a rare occurrence and many mothers who have had a baby with it are only like 5% likely for it to happen again (which is the same percentage chance of it happening the first time). No one knows why ABS happens or what causes it. I have spent a lot of time on Dr. Google with ABS because of this. I know that I can take FA and have a smaller chance of having another NTD, but not knowing how to try to prevent what ultimately killed Pixel is hard.

So since we seem to have good luck with small percentages. I googled Encephalocele and ABS together. I don’t know whether that was a mistake or not. I found out that the type of Encephalocele  that Pixel had is actually an occurrence with ABS. When an amniotic band wraps around the head it can cause an Encephalocele. The downside of learning this is that there is no way of telling if the Encephalocele is secondary to ABS or not. So we could have just been extremely unlucky to have had both, or we could just have had one that makes the other occur.

I’m hoping that it is more of the “having one that makes the other occur.” The reasoning for this is that since ABS is so rare and less likely to happen again, if the Encephalocele was due to ABS, then it is less likely that it will happen again. Whereas if the Encephalocele was an actual NTD, then we have a higher percentage of it happening again. I know that there is no way of telling, but for my piece of mind I am leaning towards the NTD being secondary.

I know that I have to wait to see what will happen when we try again, but I also know that I need to relax about it. Last year we were anxious during our first IUI and I spent all sorts of time online looking up everything I could look up. It didn’t work. The second IUI I was just scared that it wouldn’t work and upset about the last one not working. So it was canceled after no response. When we got to our third IUI, I was just positive the whole time that it would work and if it didn’t, we would try again later. It probably isn’t much, but I think that being positive helped relax me and that is why it worked (plus I had a damn good response!). So I need to relax and stay positive and maybe the next cycle will work.

Dr. Google can definitely make you nuts if you let it. I still have a month and a half before we can even begin to try again so I need to start weaning myself from the doctor. He is making me a little bit crazy and I know that I will be be a nervous wreck the whole next pregnancy, but I need to start to relax. I know that I have to enjoy every minute of being pregnant even if it could end. My innocence is gone. I will never be in a “safe” week until a baby is in my arms and screaming. (or at least breathing).

We have a couple of things planned in the next couple weeks to help us get our mind off our due date, so I should be away from the internet for awhile (doubtful, but hopeful).