August 10 was Pixel’s due date last year. Having Edward this year, I didn’t think it would bother me. And for the most part, I was ok. The actual day was when we were in Athabasca for a friend’s wedding celebration. About a week after the fact, it hit me.
It wasn’t something I had counted down to or dreaded since I have been busy with Edward. I felt a little bad that it wasn’t actually on my mind until I was reading some of the blogs I normally read. Two of the blogs I normally read were pregnant and due around the same time as I was. So after I got back from Athabasca and was catching up on all my internet stuff (blogs/facebook/email/etc), they had posts about their little ones 1st birthday. I was fine until then. Then I realized I should have been planning a first birthday. We should have been making a cake and seeing our little one in it. I never really thought about it much until those posts.
I know that it will be hard every year, but I am going to focus more on his May birth/death day instead of his due date. It was just weird to me to actually feel bad after seeing the posts from people I have never met besides over the internet whereas those friends I know who had babies last summer, I didn’t have any of these thoughts when they posted about their little one’s first birthday. It’s amazing what random things will set something off inside.