As we come up upon the end of the year, I am reminded of what we were doing a year ago. One year ago, we were getting ready to go through some tests to determine why we weren’t pregnant yet. It was those tests that changed our lives.
Infertility is a big part of who we are, but we have learned (however long it took us to learn it) that it doesn’t define who we are. Getting diagnosed as infertile made us feel like we were all alone. We didn’t tell everyone. We were struggling to deal with it on our own. Then we came to realize that it is a huge community out there who are infertile.
There are many things in this society that we don’t talk about and sex is one of them. It makes people feel uncomfortable, so they don’t talk about it. Once a couple is diagnosed as infertile, they usually keep to themselves because they consider it a personal problem and that they are a failure. I don’t see why infertility has to be kept quiet. We talk about boobs all the time. There is even a whole month dedicated to boobs. Why is there only a week dedicated to Infertility? Why is there not tons of pamphlets about infertility at every doctors office?
We decided to share our story to help spread the word about infertility. It took us 3 months to handle it on our own and share it, but we did. The amusing part to me is that once we shared that we were infertile, there were quite a few friends of ours who privately messaged us and said that they went through the same thing. Some of these friends had babies already or were preparing for the arrival of their little one. It made us feel not alone.
We have reached a point in this journey that we take things in stride. A few couples will not survive the infertility journey. It adds a lot of stress to a marriage. We are thankful that we were strong and comfortable in our marriage that this journey only caused a small bump. We are able to laugh at jokes about it and it is true laughter, not laughter through tears.
There will always be a spot that occasionally aches for what we have lost, but in the long run, it has made us stronger. We see all of the happy endings and are reminded that there are just as many sad ones. I don’t think we will ever feel just comfortable “going along for the ride.”
My hope is that someday people will feel more open to talk about their infertility and their doctors will have the options and give them all the options available to them. Our doctor didn’t. We had to find out the information on our own and then go ask him for a referral. Once we can talk openly about infertility, then the better educated our society will be and they won’t all just think of Octomom or Jon & Kate plus 8. Hopefully the insurance companies will start to cover some procedures and the prices of procedures will drop.
I understand that not everyone has a happy ending, and some wait for over 15 years for their happy ending. We are still waiting for ours, but the knowledge that many do get their happy endings gives us hope.
I know that this blog has been taken over by consistent infertility stuff. It won’t always be that way. It is just something that is a huge part of our life right now. Someday it will be a history instead of a present. I promise.